Today Chinami is one week old! And I have been a mommy for one week! Everything has been going great, maybe even too great!
Between eating well, taking the placenta pills, and taking small naps with Chinami, my recovery has been great! It's only been a week but I am ready to put her in a sling and walk here and there! But my midwife and doula warned me to take it easy, because it is possible to get worse after getting better, and I have someone to look after now.
Breastfeeding has been as easy and textbook as my pregnancy. Latch her on after birth, latch her on whenever she shows signs of being hungry (not just crying) and then my milk came in on the 3rd day and she is always satisfied after a nursing session, and I can even hand express a little bit! I think my placenta capsules, brewer's yeast powder, and mother's milk tea help things along as well.
At night, I can nurse her while laying down in my bed, because she sleeps with us! This was a no-brainer because in Japan cosleeping is perfectly normal, and doesn't kill babies like certain American media might try and tell you. Breastfeeding and cosleeping together actually dramatically reduce the chance of SIDS.
And if Chinami cries or is a little bit fussy after feeding and changing her nappy, Yasushi or I simply hold her close, give her kisses and tell her we love her and she falls asleep with a smile on her face.
Every time I look at Chinami, I'm reminded of all my love for her, and everything I have done and will do for her.
I've already started to compile a little photo album, with ultrasound pics, first footprint, umbilical cord, etc. And I'm reminded of how my own mother said she had thrown everything of mine away, and was glad to. When I went home, I took my own baby book out of storage and looked at it. It was in the guest room when we left. To think that she can throw it out and be happy with herself disgusts me to no end. And I question the character of anyone who can still remain friends with someone who would say in one breath that her daughter has a mental illness, and in the next brag about discarding her. And my father still believes that I am in the wrong, that she is the real victim, poor her, being abused by her mother, trying her best to raise me but accidentally abusing me, suffering from depression, and having me "publicly humiliate her" maliciously. He took part in destroying my self-confidence by constantly telling me how horrible and stupid I and my friends were and how I had no talent, and my dreams of being a teacher so I could inspire children were just great because those who can't do, teach.
In all the emails, he never hinted that they might have been wrong. He never apologized. Just tried to put all the blame on me, while saying I "have a right to feel how I do" but implying that he was not wrong.
And then a few days ago I got an email from him. As if everything had magically disappeared, it was just a dream, they were perfect parents all along and I never cried myself to sleep at night wondering why they hated me so much.....
The mail simply read "How are you? The baby must be coming at any moment. Please let me know."