This month 10 years ago, I was in a very different living situation.
I was a senior at University of Hawaii, living in one bedroom of a 4 bedroom unit in a complex in a very sketchy neighborhood for $500/month.
I worked at least 3 jobs on top of a full time senior course load. I was looking forward to graduating with a BA just two months later, and getting married and moving to Japan within six months.
Every day I woke up early, took the bus into town, went to class, went to work, ate my homemade wheat/veggie/egg sandwiches, drank my v8, and after going home I usually fell asleep on top of my computer or school work before being woken up by long distance calls from my fiance in Japan.
One morning, I woke up with a sharp pain in my lower left abdomen. I couldn't walk it off, sleep it off, I could barely stand up straight. I called my boss to let her know I wouldn't be able to come in, and she recommended I go straight to the hospital. I took a taxi to the closest ER where they found an 11cm cyst on my left ovary. I was immediately ordered to not exert myself physically until they could remove it surgically.
In October 2007, I had the surgery. It was a same-day laproscopic surgery, they kept me overnight because of my low blood pressure. I went back to my room, ate frozen TV dinners I had bought myself in preparation, and since I had the surgery on a Friday, I went back to class and work on Monday.
I was on fire. Nothing could keep me down, not even a medical condition and surgery. I had my goals right in front of me so close--graduation, marriage, and life in Japan with the most important person to me.
10 years later. 2017.
I graduated, I got married, I lived in Japan and worked 3 jobs there teaching English in preschools, cafes, homes, by telephone, and I got to do some other stuff too. We saved up and in just 4 years we were able to move back to Hawaii and buy a condo. I have two amazing children. I currently work one part-time job early in the morning to accommodate the hours I have to put in as a mother and housewife, and freelance as a translator/interpreter.
My growing issues with depression and anxiety were finally starting to slow me down. I was becoming unable to hide it or hide from it anymore. My children need me, so I became more proactive in seeking the help I needed. I cut toxic people from my life and kept moving forward. I don't need people around me who don't respect me or my family. I also don't need people around me who don't respect themselves and make excuses as to why they can't reach their goals.
My sense of self and identity changed as I became a mother and in my 30s. I felt myself stagnate as I gave myself to my children as they needed me.
But I think I'm ready to take myself back. At least for now. I'm ready to light the fire again. I need to show my kids who their mom really is, and pass on that fire to them.
More weights are being tossed away, and more good things are coming.
