I got a mail from my "mother" about my blog post. She claims that she apologized for the "few times she lost her temper and was mean to me". It was more than a few, and a lot more serious than just being "mean". Being mean is laughing at someone when they trip and fall. Why doesn't she use the real word "abuse" here? 


She claims I characterized her as vain, selfish and phony, and in the same email goes on about how I "humiliated her in front of her friends", "dramatically exaggerate" and "blame my issues on them". She tells me my blog is "one-sided" and "mean spirited" and "full of untruths", and I characterized her as "horrible" and a "monster." 


Everything I wrote in my blog is true, to my own recollection. The words my parents said to me that I recorded in my diaries as a teenager were true. My battle with anxiety and depression and my suicide attempt(s) are also true, there are several people that witnessed the pain I was in. 


Even in this most recent email, my own mother describes me during my teenage years as "sullen," "nasty," and "a total ass". But in all my diaries and blogs, I never resorted to using such insulting and degrading words to describe them. I am just telling the truth about what they said and did to me. My mother (and father) use the excuse "You were hostile to us, therefore you were not afraid of us, therefore we did not abuse you."


Since everything I write is a lie and hyperbole, I decided to do some research.




Emotional abuse -TeenHelp

How to deal with emotional abuse from your parents (for teens)

The main types of emotional abuse include:

• Verbal assault. Your parent/s verbally assault you in every way possible. They may blow your flaws out of proportion, make fun of you, call you names, berate you, scream at you, threaten you or criticize you. They may blame you for everything or humiliate you with sarcasm and endless insults. Over time, this type of abuse can completely destroy a person's feelings of self worth and self esteem.
• Emotional neglect. Your parent may supply you with all of your physical and material needs, but completely neglect your emotional ones. They may show no love oraffection, continually ignore you, or refuse to support you during times of emotional need.
• Invalidation. Closely linked and overlapped with emotional neglect, invalidation occurs when the victim's feelings and needs are completely invalidated, usually with harmful intent. A good example is when the victim tries to confront the parent/s about the abuse; the child may be told “I never do that”, “You think too much”, “You shouldn’t be upset about that”, or “You are exaggerating.” The abuser usually controls the victim’s emotions by telling the victim that those feelings and opinionsare wrong, by continually ignoring and rejecting emotional needs, and making the victim feel as though there is something wrong with him/her. Invalidation can also be done passively, for example, when a victim tries to confide in a parent about a problem and is told that the problem is not really an issue, or that the child should simply get over it. Invalidation is particularly damaging, as it leads the victim to think that s/he is wrong, stupid to feel this way, undeserving of any feelings at all.

How to spot emotional abuse
1 - overly shy, obedient, and submissive to others
3 - lacks confidence and has low self-esteem
8 - exhibits self-destructing behavior  - bites, pinches or cuts self
9 - finds it difficult to make friends, is overly clingy to people he is close to
15 - low self-esteem, constantly thinks bad or low about oneself
16 - Exhibits abasement behavior by blaming oneself about any negative events of his life
17 - Shows excessive depression to any type of rejection and lacks motivation in trying to correct that failure.
18 - Feels desperate and hopeless about life and neglects his personal looks and hygiene.
19 - Demonstrates sadness by isolating oneself, constantly crying, and getting into arts like music and poetry containing negative themes (such as death and hatred)
20 - Displays bitterness and lacks connection among others, whether it be friends or family
21 - Overly secretive and has difficulty in expressing ones feelings, believing that nobody ever listens to him.




How to talk to your moody teen
I found this interesting...
4 - Offer your support and be available for him when he needs to talk. Find time each day to talk and listen to what he has to share. Do not judge or jump on lecturing him.  
My parents judged and lectured on things like my taste in music and TV shows!
6 - Show respect to him and his friends. He will feel more comfortable confiding and talking to you. 
My friends were described as fat, ugly, talentless losers (like me) most of the time. Not exactly respect. 


How to help your depressed teen
In many cases, parents or other adults fail to acknowledge the fact that teenagers can, and do, get depressed. They tend to write off the moody, sullen teenager as acting out or one who is simply unhappy about something.

With teenagers, certain symptoms are likely to be present that are not normally found in depressed adults:

• Excessive sensitivity to criticism. Depressed teens tend to have strong feelings of worthlessness, which makes them highly sensitive to criticism, failure and rejection.
• Angry or irritable mood. Instead of being sad like most adults with depression, teens tend to be irritable, grumpy, hostile and frustrated.
• Withdrawing from some people. Adults are more prone to isolate themselves from everyone when they are depressed, but teenagers tend to withdraw more selectively. With teenagers, they may start hanging out with different types of people, pulling away from their parents or socialize less frequently than they normally do.

My mother says she hopes to meet Chinami one day. Maybe if she seeks help and resolves her own issues like I did, she can. 

Oh, and she didn't throw away the baby book for some reason. She threw away everything else because "I didn't want it". Slightly different story from " I am so over and done with her that I can hardly see her any more in my rear view mirror. Tossed out any and everything I find of hers-wiping her out of my life and not looking back." (quoted from Facebook, one of the comments she conveniently erased)