2012年7月18日水曜日

Chinami's birth 智七海の出産 (warning: graphic) (注意:少しグロい)





At around 2 am on July 11th, I woke up feeling a trickling sensation between my legs. I bunched up my pillow (I had been sleeping with a pillow between my legs to widen the hip area to prepare for birth) and shuffled over to the bathroom, and sure enough, there was a gush. I was half shocked, half excited. I cleaned up and shakily went into the computer room where Yasushi was and shakily went "I think my water broke". And he started to freak out a little bit going "What should we do? Call the midwife!" I called my midwife and doula and let them know what was going on, they both said get some sleep. Yasushi and I tried, but we were so excited it was hard to get to sleep. I was starting to have weak contractions about 7 minutes apart but managed to sleep between them somehow.
The next day I just stayed at home, going out a couple of times to walk and run last-minute errands. My contractions were still coming at 5-7 minutes, but nothing too intense. My midwife came over briefly in the evening to check baby's heartbeat and my blood pressure, and advised me to get as much sleep as possible that night, and if possible to go hiking in the morning. I tried to sleep as I did the previous night, but my contractions were getting stronger and I was awake more than I slept. I called my doula in the morning and asked her to come over for support as Yasushi had to leave for work. We ate breakfast, took a short walk in Waikiki, then a nap, then we went hiking at Manoa Falls. This really amped up my contractions and after we went home and I took a shower, they were still coming without slowing. They went to about 3-5 minutes apart and I started to need to use breathing and vocalization to cope with them. At one point, I went to the toilet, and the action of sitting on the toilet brought on a contraction so intense I literally jumped off and ran as soon as I was finished. My doula made me go back and ride out a few ones, as strong contractions would make me dilate faster. At around 6 pm, my doula informed me that I was in active labor. I still used coping techniques and my big white ball to combat the pain. At around 8:30, my doula asked the midwife to come over. and called Yasushi to let him know to try and come straight home at 9. Yasushi rushed home immediately.
Over the next few hours, the contractions got more and more intense and constant, I had almost no breaks between them at one point and was living on Emergen-C drinks and V-8 given to me through a straw by my doula and Yasushi. I went to the toilet periodically, but I mostly sweat out all the liquids before that. My doula urged me to eat, and I tried to oblige some frozen fruit, but every time a contraction hit my appetite was completely gone. They prepared the pool, which felt lovely but I felt like I wasn't progressing. My calm breathing and vocalizing through contractions turned into whining. I started having urges to push, which were worse than contractions because they didn't really do anything and were painful. They suggested a hot shower with Yasushi, which would usually get plenty of love hormones going, but I was having none of it. I was in a cycle of contracting, pushing, and whining about it. I was tired and cranky and wanted to do the whole push, pop out a human, and then revel in the happy afterglow. I laid down on the bed and tried to sleep! But of course who would be able to sleep in an active labor, 9 cm dilated to boot! So of course sleeping turned into a little cuddle with Yasushi, and then hoisting my leg up and giving a screaming push, tiring myself out, laying back down going "why isn't this working why won't she come out??" I would come "so close" and then run out of energy to push. I honestly doubted I could do this, and a few times I asked "do we have to go to the hospital?" My midwife used several techniques to get me to open up and stretch. 
I was in that "place" that every woman goes to when birthing. The "I can't do this, but if I don't this baby won't come out" phase....I wanted an easy way out so badly, if this were a hospital I would have been drugged and the baby pulled out a while ago. I felt so pathetic as I sat there and buried my head into Yasushi and asked my midwife and doula to help, and get her out of me already. They replied that she was almost out, and I was doing great work. Laying on the bed was not the most ideal position, but I was so tired out it was all I wanted to do. My midwife and doula tried a variety of other positions, birthing stool, etc, but I kept going back to the bed and hoisting up my leg and pushing. Her head had gone over my pubic bone, she was almost there. Finally, they suggested getting into a squat, with my doula sitting in a chair holding my arms and supporting my weight, and we tried that, and gravity seemed to help things along, but I still didn't have the strength to do it. 


I saw the sun start to come up outside....my doula and I had been up for almost 24 hours. I was ready to give up about 6 hours ago. It felt like torture. I kept pushing, putting every last ounce of my strength in it, but it wasn't enough. I looked pathetically at my midwife after pushing and shook my head. She smiled at me, and I remember thinking "why are you smiling at a time like this?" and I looked down, and the head was out. This was it. I screamed like some kind of animal and pushed through my exhaustion, pushed through the pain, I didn't care, she was coming out, NOW. And my midwife stepped in to help Yasushi catch her, and hand her to me, but my body was dead to the world. My doula helped me hold her low on my chest, still squatting because her umbilical cord was very short. Chinami had a fabulous conehead from all of the pushing, and I saw her thick black hair, and her pale little hands. She looked around quietly, letting out a few cries every now and then. The midwife and her assistant went to work quickly, rubbing her vigorously to make sure she coughed up all the fluid and making sure she was breathing. I looked in her eyes and knew she was absolutely fine and healthy. I put my finger in her little hand and she gripped it tightly. I looked in her eyes and could tell that she knew who I was and who Yasushi was. 


 My doula, Yasushi and everyone worked together to get me at least laying down on the bed with Chinami. I was still absolutely pathetic. I kept asking would delivering the placenta hurt, and were there any drugs I could take now, and could they numb me down there quickly, etc. The midwife and her assistant kept reassuring me that it would not hurt to deliver the placenta, and that they would numb me and give me a few different kinds of natural things to help the pain. I delivered the placenta, which they were right, it was uncomfortable but not painful. Then I got numbed and a few little stitches, while Chinami got her cord clamped and cut (by Yasushi again) and started to breastfeed. 


My midwife showed me the placenta and sac that raised Chinami for 9 months. She found something interesting that she had "never seen". The umbilical cord was not attached to the center of the placenta, it was attached to blood vessels that flowed to the placenta. I think this is called Velamentous cord insertion. If I had been in hospital care as opposed to midwife care, then the chances of it being made into a problem with all the inductions and threatened c-sections would have been very high.


My doula took the placenta to encapsulate it, but not before putting a chunk in a yummy berry-spirulina smoothie for me to have right away! This was not just to be adventurous, but because there are many benefits to ingesting placenta. The main benefits are reducing post-partum bleeding and increasing iron levels in the blood, and reducing the risk of post-partum depression, which with my history of never being able to donate blood due to low iron or low blood pressure, and depression and anxiety, this seemed like the right thing to do. 


The ladies cleaned up the place and gave me another check to see how I was recovering, I was bleeding quite a bit but nothing serious, my blood pressure was stable and so my midwife gave me a shot of pitocin to help my uterus contract before going home.


Chinami soon fell asleep, as did we. I was happy, but absolutely exhausted and in pain and wanted to recover quickly so I could focus on her as much as possible.


My recovery over the past few days has been great. I have been able to rest in my own bed with Chinami, and do everything at my own pace without nurses telling me when and where to do what. And since my mother wasn't around, I didn't have to deal with any loud and belligerent monologues about how my house is not good enough, I should have rented that place in Waikiki that was way over my budget, I should get a clothes dryer instead of hanging my laundry like I'm in Calcutta, how could I possibly not have a TV set, why don't I use an air conditioner, it's too hot, why do I put my mattress on the floor, why don't I have a crib for Chinami, I should n't have bought everything secondhand, etc, etc, etc....


And now a little reflection...
Birthing is hard. I didn't have a magical orgasmic water birth or a surprise birth in the kitchen, I was in the pushing stage for about 5 hours. If I had birthed at a hospital, I probably would have gladly accepted any intervention they gave after I reached my point of no return, and it might have been faster and even easier, but would it have been the best way? When Chinami came out, she was calm and happy, and she wasn't bathed, injected, or taken anywhere except straight to me and her daddy. Choosing a homebirth wasn't just about my comfort or health, it was for her as well. Taking that into consideration, I would definitely choose a homebirth again. 






          
Chinami "Tina" Born Friday, July 13th at home ♥7lbs 13 oz    22 inches
Daddy!














7月11日の午前2時頃、足の間に何か水が出るような感じがして目が覚めました。出産に向かって骨盤を広げるために枕を足の間に挟んで寝てたから、その枕を持ってトイレに駆け込んだら、やっぱり破水でした。やすしがいたパソコンの部屋に行って、ちょっと震えながら「破水した。。。と思う。」と言った。やすしは少し騒いで、「どうしよう。。助産婦さんに電話しよう」と言った。助産婦に電話して報告しました。助産婦に今日は寝てって言われました。私とやすしはベッドに入ったけど、わくわくしてあまり寝られなかったんです。しかも、弱い陣痛も5-7分おきに来てました。でもなんとか寝る事ができました。
次の日は私は少し用事を済ませるために散歩に出かけたが、殆ど家にいました。夕方助産婦さんが家に来て赤ちゃんの心臓の音と、私の血圧だけ調べました。今夜もできるだけ多く寝て、明日できれば朝からハイキングでもしてってアドバイスしてくれました。寝ようと努力したけど、陣痛が強くなって来て、寝られなかったんです。朝になったらドゥーラーに電話して、やすしが仕事に行くからちょっと来てって頼みました。朝ご飯、ワイキキで散歩、と昼寝して、そしてマノアの滝でハイキングしました。ハイキングすることで陣痛がさらに強まって来て、家に帰ってからシャワー浴びてからでも強く、近くなってました。3-5分置きになって、呼吸と声を出すという方法で痛みを耐えてました。それからトイレ言った時に、トイレに座ることですごい強い陣痛が来て、トイレ終わったら逃げだしたこともありました。ドゥーラーにトイレに戻って、陣痛を耐えることをさせられました。陣痛が強ければ出産はどんどん近づくから、って。夕方の6時頃、ドゥーラーが本格に陣痛が来て、出産は近いと報告してくれました。様々な方法やでっかいしろいボールを使って痛みと戦いました。8時半頃ドゥーラーは助産婦さんに電話してくるように言ってくれて、それからやすしに電話して今夜の9時に仕事締めて帰って来た方がいいと言ったが、やすしはすぐに家に帰ってきました。
次の数時間、陣痛はもっと激しくなってきて、休む時間が殆どなくなってたんです。ドゥーラーとやすしはスポーツドリンクや野菜ジュースをストローで飲ませてくれてました。定期的にトイレにも行ってたが、汗が凄くてトイレで殆ど出てませんでした。ドゥーラーに食べるように言われて、冷凍のフルーツ少し口にしようとしてたが、陣痛がドンドンくることで食欲はなかったんです。お風呂の用意ができたら入って見ました。気持ちよかったけど、出産が進まない感じがして、疲れてまた出ました。体が息み始めて、痛かったんです。今まで呼吸したり声をだしたりしててリラックスして痛みを耐えることができたけど、それも段々と惨めな鳴き声みたいな感じになってました。助産婦さんがやすしとシャワー浴びるように指示しました。普通なら色んな愛のホルモンなどが出るはずだけど、私はもうその限界を超えてました。陣痛、息む、泣く、を繰り返しました。疲れて、機嫌が悪くて、もう息んで、赤ちゃんをポンと出して、幸せになりたい気持ちでした。ベッドで横になって寝ようとしました!でも9センチも開いてて陣痛来ても寝られる人間いないでしょう。そのかわりに少しやすしに抱えて、それから足をあげて叫んで息んで、疲れてまた横になって「どうして出てこないの??」とつぶやくことが繰り返してました。息んで、惜しいとなってから力が抜いてしまったことが続いてました。出産って私にできるのと疑ってて、「やっぱり病院行かなきゃいけない?」と聞いてたこともありました。助産婦が頑張って、色んな開くテクニークを使ってました。
出産する女性はだれでも訪ねる場所に至ったんです。それは「無理、でも頑張らないと赤ちゃんは出てこない、」という場所です。簡単に終わらせる方法本当に欲しくなってました。これもし病院ならすでにドラッグ打たれて赤ちゃんをだしてくれたはず。。。やすしを抱きしめて、助産婦とドゥーラーにどうか助けてって惨めな声で言ってました。でもドゥーラーと助産婦はもうすぐ赤ちゃんが出る、私はすっごい頑張ってて偉いって応援してくれました。ベッドの上で息むのは理想的ではないが、疲れすぎて他の姿勢が嫌でした。助産婦さんとドゥーラーに手伝ってもらって色んな姿勢を少しやってみましたが、最後にいつもベッドに戻ってました。ちなみの頭は私の骨盤の所を超えたらしくて、あともうちょっとで出てくるって言われました。しゃがむことを指示されて、ドゥーラーは後ろから私の体重を支えながら私はしゃがんで、息みました。重力で少し進んだが、私にもう力はありませんでした。
外では太陽は昇ってた。。。私とドゥーラーはもう24時間近く起きてました。私は6時間前くらいにもう諦めかけてました。体罰でもされてる気持ちでした。自分の中の力をかけて息んでたけど、足りなかったんです。助産婦に向かって、惨めな顔しながら首を横に振りました。助産婦はニコッとして、私は頭の中で「なんでこんな時にニコッてできるんだろう?」と問いかけました。下を見たら、頭は出てた。もうこれだ!と変な動物みたいに叫んでどんなに疲れても、痛くても、いいからとにかく出す、と息みました。そして助産婦さんが手伝いながら、やすしが娘を受け取って私に渡したけど、もう体が動けませんでした。ドゥーラーに支えてしゃがんでるまま受け取りました。へその緒が短かったのでまだ胸のところには抱っこできなかったんです。ちなみは長い出産のせいで頭が尖ってました。黒い髪の毛が沢山生えてて、手が白くて小さかったんです。静かに周りを見回って、小さい声で少し泣いたりもしてました。助産婦さんと手伝ってる人が体をこすって羊水をだして呼吸してることを確認しました。私はちなみの目を見て、元気だと自分の中で確認取りました。指をその小さい手に入れたら、強く握ってくれました。目を見てちゃんと私とやすしをわかってくれてる気がしました。

ドゥーラーとやすしと皆が力合わせてちなみと私をベッドに移動させました。私はまだ惨めなこと言ってました。胎盤を出すって痛いか、痛み止め飲んでいいか、あそこを麻痺させてくれるか、など。助産婦さん達が胎盤だすの痛くない、すぐ痛いのとれるからと言ってくれました。胎盤を出すのは痛くなかったんです。そして少し麻痺してあそこを少し縫ってもらってた時、やすしがへその緒を切って、ちなみは胸の所に来ておっぱいを飲み始めました。

助産婦さんがちなみを9ヶ月育ててくれた胎盤と袋などを見せてくれました。しかし自分で見た事ないというのがありました。へその緒は胎盤の真ん中ではなく、端の方にあるともし病院に通ってたらこれは問題になってたんでしょう。そして薬で出産始められたり、帝王切開の可能性も高かったかと思います。

ドゥーラーが胎盤をピルにするために持って帰りましたが、その前にすこしベリーとスピルリナのスムージーに混ぜてくれました!これはただいつものように変なもの食べてみたいからではなく、胎盤を食べることって産後の体にすごくいいらしいんです。出血を少なくする、血液の鉄分を上げる、そして産後鬱の確率を減らします。私は血が薄くて献血できないし、低血圧で鉄分が低め、そして鬱とパニックもありましたから胎盤を食べるって凄く私には良い事だろうと思いました。

助産婦さん達はお片づけして、体調をチェックしました。出血はありましたけど血圧が安定してました。助産婦は子宮が縮むようにピトシンを注射して、帰りました。

ちなみはすぐに寝ました。私たちも寝ました。幸せでしたけど、疲労と痛みを早く乗り越えて世話したかったんです。

そして回復は順調です。自分のベッドでちなみと一緒に休むことができ、なんでも看護婦さんに言われる事などなく、自分のペースでできます。そして母もいないから、でっかい声で独り言みたいに、家が汚い、ワイキキで高いコンド借りればよかったのに、なんで乾燥機はなくてインドの貧乏な人みたいに洗濯を干すのか、どうしてテレビないのか、どうしてエアコンつかわないか、暑すぎだろう、どうして間とレスは床にあるか、どうしてちなみにベビーベッド買わないか、中古何か買わない方が良い、などなどと。。

そして少し思いました。
出産はつらいです。気持ち良さそうな魔法の水中出産なかったし、急に出た~というような出産もなかったし、実際に5時間ほど息んでたんです。もし病院で出産したなら、疲れてきたらきっとどんな薬だされても飲む気持ちでした。そしてきっと早くて、もっと楽でした。でもそれって一番いい方法なのかな。ちなみが出て来た時、とてもリラックスして幸せそうでした。そしてお風呂もなく、注射もなく、ただお父さんと私のそばにずっといただけです。家庭出産は自分の健康や気分に合わせて選んだのではなくて、ちなみのためにしました。それを考えてみれば、また次も家庭出産にしたいです。

6 件のコメント:

  1. このコメントは投稿者によって削除されました。

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  2. Ooh, only the best wishes for you three!! She is very lovely!

    Greets Jessi

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  3. Congratulations! I'm happy for you, that everything went fine! Having a home birth sounds awesome and kinda relaxing compared to what it would be like in some hospitals.
    I think you are doing great with your life! You are an inspiration! :D

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  4. Congratulations! You did an awesome job. I'm glad you now have a healthy and gorgeous little girl with you.

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  5. By the way, I loved the pictures. Birthing has something powerful to it.

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  6. congrats !good job, ms. it's a relief you didn't opt for C-section like everyone else.


    those descriptions are rather horrifying for a dude like me...

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