Chinami's starting solids! ちなみの離乳食

The first year of Chinami's life is already halfway over. I already get sentimental when I look back at pictures of her as a newborn and see how far she has come.

Chinami rolled over at around 3 months, and then she bided her time until she hit 6 months, and then it seems like everything started happening at once. Her two bottom teeth came in, she started being able to sit up and she learned to crawl and can stand up supported. She went through a screaming phase, where she would literally lay there looking at her hand screaming（in delight!) and now she limits her screams and laughs to when we play with her. 

Since she tripled her birth weight in under 6 months on just breastmilk, I had no reason to hurry and introduce solids...But I was still eager to be able to share another part of our lives with her, my very varied and healthy diet. Of course, she has been exposed to every flavor under the sun already through my milk as I have not given a drop of formula and not limited my diet in any way. She has had Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Indian, Mexican, Thai, Vietnamese, and even the occasional Jack-in-the-Box or Reese's cup through my milk. But I was still excited at the prospect of doing Baby-led Weaning, and sharing my meals with her and watching her explore the tastes and textures, and hopefully eat a few bites. 

So when she turned 6 months and started to be able to sit up on her own, I started giving her stuff from my plate. In just a couple of weeks, she already has a more varied diet than most Americans. Avocado, banana, apple, cooked carrots, broccoli, spinach, asparagus, okinawan sweet potato, eggplant, zucchini, frozen blueberries and mango, simmered strawberries, pomegranate seeds, crusts from whole-wheat toast, pieces of whole-wheat tortilla, spoonfuls of plain Greek yogurt, egg yolk, cream of wheat or oatmeal (made with water or breastmilk for her) and more. 

In Japan, it is very common for mothers to make special "meals" for their babies, such as rice porridge with vegetables mixed in, a mild soup or steamed soft buns, etc. Even in America there are many products on the market for steaming and pureeing food for babies. There is just something about the practice of giving babies special meals that you don't eat together with them that I don't get. Babies learn everything by imitation, wouldn't it make sense to just share your food with them and they watch you and figure out how to eat it?

Baby-led Weaning requires very little "extra" work. I take out a small portion of whatever I'm cooking for Chinami before adding salt, as too much salt can be hard on their little kidneys. I microwave a couple of frozen strawberries and mash them to make her strawberry jam when we are having ours, and I only give her egg yolk, which is pretty easy when I am eating a sunny-side up or soft-boiled egg. If I am eating something like frozen fruit, grapes, blueberries or pomegranate seeds I put them into a mesh feeder. If it's grabbable, I just give it to her. 

Baby led weaning is messy, fun, and teaches babies to chew before they swallow, which is a pretty important skill in my book. The first few times, she just squished whatever I gave her around and made a huge mess. But now she seems to get it and actively picks up the food and puts it in her mouth, making chewing motions and sucking the juices out of it. She seemed to like purple sweet potato, and recently chewed on a piece of roasted asparagus until there were just strings left. A raw apple was a bit rough for her to gum, but when I put a frozen grape in a mesh feeder for her later she had it down to just the skin in about 10 minutes! However a piece of frozen mango, which is a lovely treat for me, got me a scrunched-up little face and refusal to touch it again that day. 

When I had something like yogurt or cream-of-wheat and wanted to feed some to her with a spoon, she made it clear that she much preferred to hold the spoon and put it in her mouth by herself! So I also do what is called "loaded spoons", I put some mashed food or cereal on a spoon and give her the spoon, and she puts it in her mouth by herself. 

I am putting together a video of her first food experiences and hope my experience in this blog will open others up to the world of Baby-led Weaning! 

ちなみの人生の最初の一年が半分以上過ぎました。。。今でも新生児の頃の写真を見ると成長したな〜と涙目になります。３ヶ月で寝返り、そしてしばらくゆっくり体力をつけて、そして６ヶ月に近づいたら一気に歯が２本生えたり、ドンドンドンドンきて、おすわりできたり、ハイハイできたり、そして何とつかまり立ちも！何もなくてもずっと嬉しく声を上げて叫ぶ時もあったけど、今はちゃんと遊ぶ時だけに叫んでくれています。
母乳だけで６ヶ月間で体重３倍にもなったので、すぐ離乳食を与える必要はなかったけど、自分が早くちなみに健康に良くて美味しい食べ物の楽しみを教えたかったので早く与えたかったんです。。。でもすぐに与えなくても母乳で色んな味も経験しているはずですね。妊娠中から今でも日本、韓国、中華、インド、メキシコ、タイ、ベトナムなどの様々な料理、たまにはお菓子やファストフードも制限なく食べてて、そしてもちろん粉ミルク一滴でも与えなかったんです。でも今度ちなみが本当の食べ物を手にもって齧れる事を楽しみに待っていました。
そして６ヶ月過ぎておすわりできてたら、自分の食事からちょっとずつ与えていました。
何週間の間にもう平均のアメリカ人より豊富な食生活をしてるでしょう。アボカド、バナナ、リンゴ、人参、ブロッコリー、ホウレンソウ、アスパラ、紫芋、なす、ズッキーニ、冷凍のブルーベリーとマンゴー、煮たイチゴ、ざくろ、全麦パンやトルティーヤ、プレーンヨーグルト、卵の黄身、オートミールやシリアル（水や母乳で作りました）などなど。
日本では、お母さんが特別に離乳食を作るのが一般です。野菜が入ってるお粥など、スープ、蒸しパン、など。アメリカでは野菜を蒸してピュレにするベビー用品を売っています。自分の食事と全く別なものを赤ちゃんに与えるというのはよくわからない事です。赤ちゃんって、何でも真似て覚えるでしょう？自分の食べてる物を少し与えて赤ちゃんがそれで見て食べ方わかればいいんじゃないですか。
赤ちゃん主導型離乳には余計なことは必要ない。料理している時、塩など入れる前にちなみの分を少し取って冷ますだけです。赤ちゃんの腎臓には塩分あんまりよくないそうです。私がイチゴジャムを食べる時、ちなみに冷凍のイチゴをチンしてジャム状態になるようにつぶします。卵食べる時は少し黄身を取って与えます。そして果物を食べる時はそのままあげるか、ブルーベリーやぶどうやざくろはこういうものにいれます。そのまま持てる物ならそのままあげます。
赤ちゃん主導離乳って食べ物散らかしてしまうけど、楽しいし、赤ちゃんがそれを通じて飲み込む前に噛むことを覚えます。それは大事だと思います。最初は数回食べずに食べ物をめちゃくちゃにしただけですけど、それから段々とわかってきて、口に入れて齧ってみたり、私を真似て食べる振りしたりして、そして野菜やフルーツの水分を吸い込んだりもし始めました。それからどんどん食べれるようになってました。生のリンゴは噛みづらいようですけど、アスパラを糸みたいな状態にしたり、ぶどう、なすなどを皮だけ残したりして。。。でも私の大好きな冷凍マンゴーをあげてみたら、嫌な顔して食べてくれなかったんです。
私がヨーグルトやシリアルを食べてて、スプーンで食べさせようと思ってちなみの口まで持ってみたら、ちなみがいつも自分の手で掴んではこびたがります。だから”食べ物入りスプーン”あげます。それはマッシュ状態の食べ物をスプーンにつけて、そのスプーンをちなみにあげて、任せるということです。
今はちなみの離乳食のビデオを作っています。このブログで他のママ達に赤ちゃん主導離乳というのを考えさせられたら嬉しいです！

New Year's.

I spent the last day of 2012 cleaning our apartment, and dip-dyeing my hair in cherry Kool-Aid, something I have long wanted to do.

I did a little makeup, wore a lacy skirt and knee-highs, put on my carrier with Chinami and we went out to a party with wonderful people before going to Waikiki to meet Yasushi just minutes before the big fireworks show.

We sat on the beach, a couple of feet away from where the water lazily crawled up the shore and receded again. And then at 12 midnight, everyone cheered as the fireworks lit up the sky right in front of us.

Tears formed in my eyes as I watched the fireworks, with my arms around my husband and Chinami with her giant earmuffs was passed out, oblivious to the celebrations around her (best purchase ever!)

I rang in 2012 in New Hampshire with two of my closest friends, who I had just told about my pregnancy with Chinami. Yasushi and I went to Niagra Falls in the dead of winter, and until leaving in February, got a healthy dose of bitter cold and snow.
When we came back to Hawaii, there was a lot we needed to learn. Buying a car, getting insurance, getting a job, finding a midwife, renting an apartment, getting a credit card, etc. Yasushi gradually picked up English words and phrases so he could function at his workplace in a kitchen full of non-Japanese speakers, and got a driver's license and later a liquor license, both of which require passing of English exams.
I started to finally focus on myself and my own health, opting to go as natural and sustainable as possibly in my lifestyle, for both health and financial reasons. I stopped using shampoo and now get by with water, an occasional baking soda wash and ACV rinse, and sometimes some Dr. Bronner's for the bubbles. We started shopping at Costco, bought a chest freezer to hold all of the frozen meats and vegetables, and ready-made meals for after I gave birth. I started incorporating chia seeds, hemp seeds, flax seeds, spirulina, and other superfoods into my diet. I appreciated the fact that most restaurants nowadays have vegetarian options so I didn't have to give in to the "All American" diet of a slab of meat with a few carbs on the side like I had been experiencing at my parents' house.
I also made huge strides towards lessening my symptoms of atypical depression and panic attacks, although I accept that there are still bad days, and it will never completely go away, I am probably the happiest and most comfortable with myself now that I have ever been.
There were times, however, when I seriously doubted I could ever be a mother. As I became happier and more excited each day my belly grew, my worries grew as well. My "mother" was abused as a child, and she chose to project her insecurities onto me, control me and others she saw as "weak" and continue a cycle of pain. Would I fall into the same pattern?
However, I decided that I would do everything I could to be a great mother to Chinami. For both health and financial reasons, I chose to be an "attachment parent." I never needed formula, a crib, or a lot of other things being pushed by the baby industry as "essentials", and Chinami grew healthy and happy, and I stayed healthy and happy as well, losing the 35 lbs I had gained with the pregnancy in just 3 months by just breastfeeding and eating normal, healthy foods.
As the three of us sat there, and Yasushi and I watched the fireworks, I thought to myself, it is really 2013. I have come this far. We have come this far. I thanked those in my life who gave me the positive energy and emotional support along the way. I remembered the hard times, and vowed to overcome any obstacles we encounter in the New Year as well.
In 2013, my main goal will be to finally get a driver's license. Yasushi is also supporting me in this as my panic attacks have gotten a lot better.
I suppose Chinami's goal will be to start eating, crawling, and walking! I can't wait!

Thanksgiving - Reconnecting with family

Thanksgiving is coming up soon, and I have a lot to be thankful for this year.

I had a healthy pregnancy and gave birth naturally to my beautiful daughter Chinami. 

I was able to come back to Hawaii and reconnect with a lot of friends and make many new ones as well. 

And most of all, I feel thankful that I have a loving family who cares about me. 

...

No, not them. 

...
When I was with my "parents" for last Thanksgiving, I also saw the other part of my family, whom I hadn't seen in over 10 years. It was the part of the family that wasn't related to my "mother"; my paternal grandparents, my aunt, uncle, and three cousins.
Since we lived abroad when I was a child I almost never got to see them, and when we moved back to America I saw them from time to time, as they lived in the same small town as we did.

My grandmother would take me to high school football games, along with my aunt and cousin who was just a baby then. I was in middle school at the time and would be going to that high school in the following years, and it was the same high school my "father" and his siblings went to, and the same school my oldest cousin is going to now. She enjoyed sharing this legacy and history with me. She would also take me to the museum, carnivals, the mall, church (not to force me, but because I enjoyed playing with the other children and singing in Sunday School) and I would stay over her house sometimes. 

My grandfather was one of the original computer nerds, and taught me a lot about computers (in those days, we still used 5-inch floppy disks and Windows 3.1, and MS-DOS) He had also served in the military and was stationed in Japan, and gave me some of his old mementos when I started to become interested in Japanese culture.

Years later, my aunt found me on Facebook and I saw that I now had 2 more cousins, and my oldest cousin was starting high school. My aunt and uncle would message me, and I was unsure how to handle it after all those years. 

The reason I was unsure was because of all the things my "mother" would tell me about them. She accused them of using her for her money, she ridiculed them and called them horrible, degrading names in front of me (things I will not write here as I do not want to hurt their feelings,) and basically convinced me that they were some kind of malignant, abnormal people. When I told them I wanted to go visit my family, I was warned not to. I'm glad I followed my heart, and did the right thing.

After my "parents" left to spend Christmas and New Year's in the Caribbean and left us to house-sit (despite the fact that it was the first holidays we could spend together in over five years) Yasushi and I went over to have lunch with my family. I made some cupcakes and brought them over, and they had cold-cut trays and lots of yummy desserts, and spent the day asking us questions, talking with us, and making us feel welcome. We played games with my cousins, I helped my aunt with her computer, and we all had a great time. My husband commented that they seemed like a normal, Christian family, and were very kind-hearted, and I agreed.

Now that I have looked into my past, I can now fully appreciate how normal they are. No one launched into loud, rambling stories and demanded that you listen to them no matter how long they kept talking, no one lectured us on how our choices, hobbies, and lifestyle were wrong and tried to force us into something else, no one called us degrading names, and they would listen to us. The three children seemed comfortable and happy, no one was screamed at, insulted, or invalidated.

I can remember now that my grandparents were the only ones who validated my feelings when I was in middle school. They always listened to me, remembered things about me, showed me they cared about who I was, and never tried to force me to do something I didn't want to do, or be someone I wasn't. That was the thing I needed most at that fragile point in my development, and something I was not getting at home.

And even now, the way they treat me and Yasushi really shows how much they care. When they found out I was pregnant, they asked me how I was, and that they wanted to send me something for the baby. When I told them I didn't need much, and would appreciate if they would just send me any used items or hand-me-downs, they sent me precious family heirlooms that were used by my grandparents, their children's baby blankets, hand-sewn items that were passed down in the family, and a used breast pump, because they knew I was breastfeeding. Most importantly, there was no Facebook announcement about how THEY were becoming great-grandparents/aunts/uncles, no posts with pictures of the things they bought for THEIR grand-baby, there was no waving money around in a big fanfare that was still centered around themselves. It was just pure sentiments and love.

I am very glad I reconnected with all of them, and my husband was able to meet them before we moved to Hawaii. But also, I am very sad at all the years lost between us, and how far apart we are now. But as long as they are in Pennsylvania, I can say that I may think of going back to see my family some day.


もうすぐ感謝祭です。今年は感謝するべきがいっぱいあります。
無事に、自然に妊娠、出産して、今素敵な娘のちなみに恵まれています。
ハワイに戻ることができて、友達に会ったり、新しい友達に出会ったりすることもできました。
そして何よりも、素敵な家族に愛されてることに感謝しています。
。。。
違う。彼奴じゃないですよ。
。。。
去年の感謝祭にリョウシンのところでサンクスギビングしてた時、何年ぶりにもう一つの家族に会う事ができました。「母」系ではない家族。父系の祖父母、おじさん、おばさん、といとこ３人です。

小さい時私は海外に住んでたためあまり会えなくて、アメリカに戻ってからは同じ町に住んでたので時々会いました。

お祖母さんはおばさんと赤ちゃん（私のいとこ）と私を高校のアメフト試合に連れて行ってくれました。その頃私はまだ中学生だったけど、高校に行った時はその学校だったし、私のオトウさんも兄弟も行ったし、そして今はいとこもそこに行っています。お祖母さんはこの歴史を私と一緒に楽しむのが楽しかったでしょう。アメフトの他に、博物館、祭り、商店街、教会（強制ではなくて、私は好きで一緒に行っていました）など色んな所に連れて行ってくれました。そしてお祖母さん家でお泊まりすることもありました。

お祖父さんは昔からのパソコンオタクで、パソコンのことを私にいっぱい教えてくれました。（その頃はまだ５インチのフロッピーやウィンドウズ3.1やMS-DOSなどのじだいでした。）そして私は日本に興味を持ち始めたら軍隊で日本にいた時からのお宝ものなどいっぱいくれました。

何年後、おばさんはフェスブックで私とつながりました。そして、私のいとこが２人も増えて、赤ちゃんだったいとこが高校１年生だとわかってビックリしました。おばさんとおじさんは私にメッセージもしてくれましたけど、１０年以上連絡しなかった私が複雑な気持ちでした。

その複雑な気持ちの訳はオカアさんに言われた事です。お金を狙ってるとか、色んな酷い話を私にしてました。オカアさんが言ったことによると、その家族は悪い、優しさがない人たちでした。私が久しぶりに会ってみたいと言い出したら、やめた方がいいと言われました。私は自分の心を信じて、会ったのが正解でした。

リョウシンが５年以上ぶりに一緒にいられるクリスマス・お正月にかかわらず二人で私と旦那をおいてカリブの別荘に遊びに行ってから、私達は予定を会わせて、家族の家に行ってみました。私はお菓子を作って持って行って、家族は皆集まってサンドウィッチのパーティートレーや手作りお菓子いっぱいテーブルに並べて、何時間私とやすしにお話して、私たちの話を親切に聞いてくれて、自分の家と心を私達に開いてくれました。いとこと一緒にゲームしたり、おばさんのパソコンの問題を直してみたり、家族らしく、素敵な時間を過ごしました。旦那はクリスチャンでも、リョウシンと違って、普通の心の優しい家族だと言って、私もそう思ってました。

そして今自分の家族の関係を振り返ってみてからはその「普通な家族」というの本当に分かってきた気がします。ずっとでっかい声をだして自分中心の話ばかり聞かせることはなくて、自分の選んだ道や趣味が間違ってるように言われることもなくて、酷い傷つくような言葉を言われることもなかったです。私たちが話してた時はちゃんと聞いてくれました。子供もバカにされたり、脅されたりすることもなく、普通に幸せそうにしてました。

今思い出してみると、中学生の頃に私の気持ちを解ろうとするのはお祖父さんとお祖母さんだけでした。いつも聞いてくれて、私の趣味や性格について色んなことを覚えていたり、自分の趣味などを私に無理矢理押し付ける事もなかったです。これが私は家でしてもらえなかった、この大変な成長期に一番必要なことだったんでしょう。

そして今でも対応から家族の愛が感じられます。私が妊娠を教えたら、私の具合を聞いて、赤ちゃんのために何をプレゼントすればいいかと訪ねてくれました。そして私はそんな赤ちゃん用品は必要ない、もし何か送るのであれば中古なものでいいと言ったら、祖父母も皆が自分が赤ちゃんの時に使ってた大事な宝物いっぱい送ってくれました。手作りのベビーブランケットなどまでありました。そして私が完全母乳だと覚えててくれて、友達の中古の搾乳機もくれました。それよりも、フェスブックで自分がお祖父さん、お祖母さんになるとか、自分のひ孫のためにどんな素敵な物を買ってると写真を載せたりすることなく、自分中心でお金を振る舞うこともなく、ただの家族愛をみせてくれただけです。

皆にまた会えて、ハワイに行く前にやすしも会えてよかったです。しかし一緒にいられなかった何年間と、今遠く離れてることが悲しいです。でもいつかペンシルバニアに家族に会いに行くとまだいえます。

Another email...more drama...

The tweet:

The email from "Father":

I would never wish you and your family anything but extreme happiness, health and success, never!  I am shocked and extremely hurt that you would publicly wish harm or death on us. I do not believe that Yasushi would share your wish of death on us. I will never forget this, it is inexcusable. I have certainly failed as a father to have his daughter wish for his demise. I have been sick since one of your friends brought this tweet to our attention. Make sure to let beautiful Chinami know that her grandparents love her and want to be a part of her life. Do the things that grandparents do, give her unconditional love and support but her mother would rather not have her know her family. Your choice not ours.

My response:

Stop being overdramatic. I never wished death on anyone. Just hoping that karma gets you back, which it will. I don't remember you ever volunteering anything to help the victims of Luis, Katrina, the Japan tsunami, the Haiti earthquake, etc. Just taking videos, worrying about yourself, and offering opinions on how it could have been avoided.
Yasushi felt that the tweet was a bit too much, but he feels the same way as I do in terms of wishing we could have a normal family, with grandparents for our children, but that cannot happen until you come to terms with what you've done and take steps to correct it.
Wait, you wished me extreme happiness, health and success, and gave me unconditional love and support?
More like: you had a daughter with real problems like depression, outward signs of being abused, yet you handled it by calling her names, and invalidating her feelings, hopes, and dreams.
10 years later when she finally stands up for herself, you both deny everything happened and call her a liar, and then contradict yourself by trying to justify your actions as well-deserved discipline, as if children actually deserve to be abused! You even go on to say that her depression, anxiety, and suicide attempts were her own fault, expressing no empathy whatsoever!
And let's not forget that just recently "Mother" threatened to sue me and my family for "every last dime" knowing full well that we both worked full time 6 days a week in Japan to save up for a house someday, and are now living paycheck to paycheck on a single income with a newborn.  She also stated she is happy we are far away and she will never see us or any offspring we might have ever. I will let Chinami know about that when she is old enough, thank you.
You and "Mother" are the ones who have made the choice not to act like loving family and acknowledge the deep effect your verbal abuse has had on me, apologize, and seek therapy so you do not do the same thing to your grandchildren. "Mother" has made the choice to write me off as "sick and twisted"  when she is the one who is emotionally unstable and needs to seek help if she wants to be part of my family. She also needs to worry about her own daughter's feelings and well-being instead of worrying about what her "friends" on Facebook might think.
Yasushi and I made the choice for Chinami's safety and well-being. Judging by the way you attempt to lie and gaslight in this email, we have made the right choice.

Earthquakes, Tsunamis, and Superstorms?!?

Superstorm Sandy has wreaked havoc on the East Coast and the images I've seen are devastating. For me, Sandy is yet another natural disaster hitting one of the places I have called "home."

スーパーハリケーン「サンディー」でアメリカの東海岸は酷く被害しています。私が写真を見て驚きました。私にとってサンディーは、また私のふるさとの一つを壊した嵐です。

When I was 9, a category 4 hurricane hit the island I lived on at the time. The house we were in was strong and we were very lucky to escape the total devastation that spread across the rest of the island. We also had plenty of water and food to take us through the weeks without power. My parents and their friends drove around the day after the storm and took video. My "mother" and I returned to the US soon after until conditions got better there. 

私が９才の時に、カテゴリー４のハリケーンが私の住んでたところに来ました。私たちは運よく強い家に住んでたため被害はなかったんです。そして水や食べ物がいっぱいあったので何週間の停電も乗り越えました。ハリケーンが去った翌日、両親と友達はカメラを持って島を観光気分でめぐってビデオを取りました。それから私と母が状況がよくなるまでアメリカに戻りました。

Then last year, on March 11th, I experienced the Kanto-Tohoku earthquake that generated a tsunami big enough to wipe out entire towns, change coastlines, and cripple a nuclear plant. My parents called me every day trying to convince me to leave, but my husband and I could not fathom leaving our home in a time of crisis. We stayed and donated money, did fundraising, and when fall came, we donated our warm winter clothes and electric blankets to the temporary residences. 

そして去年３月１１日に東北大震災があって、町が丸ごとなくなったり、海岸の形がかわったり、そして原発まで壊れたりするほとの大津波がきました。両親は毎日電話して私にアメリカに帰るように説得はしてたが、私とやすしはこんな非常実態になってる私たちのふるさとを簡単に去って行くことはできなかったんです。日本にいて、寄付したり、募金集めしたり、そして秋が来たら私たちの冬服や電気毛布などを仮設住宅に送りました。

And here in Oahu, I have experienced both an earthquake that resulted in over 12 hours without electricity on most of the island, and just last Saturday, a tsunami warning that was serious enough to shut down most of Waikiki and send people in my neighborhood to higher ground. 

そしてオアフ島で１２時期間の停電を起こした地震と、この前の土曜日に、ワイキキと私の住んでる町の人が避難したほどの津波警報がでました。

In all these situations, one thing I have learned is not to think that it "won't happen to me," and to always have enough supplies for an emergency. 

こんな状況を経験した上、私が学んだことは、「私たちにこない」と考え込まないことと、非常用品を必ず持つことです。

In America it's not as much of an issue because many people buy in bulk to save money, and canned goods are a normal thing to have in one's pantry. (However, sometimes people forget to periodically check their cabinets and use things before the expiration date and replace them, so a bit of maintenance is required for this) People usually have some kind of grill for their summer barbecues that come in handy during a power outage too. 

アメリカでは、一般の人は節約するために日常の生活用品を大量にまとめ買いします。そして缶詰の食べ物も一般のキッチンに入っています。（しかし何年チェックしないで賞味期限切れてそのまま持ってる人もいます）そして一般の人はバーベキューが好きでグリルを持ってて、停電の時に役に立ちます。

In Japan, space is limited so many people do not store extra toilet paper, canned/dried food, bottled water, etc. in their house, which led to the panic buying situation in spring of 2011. With Tokyo residents already experiencing one crisis in the past year, and scientists constantly saying how Tokyo is overdue for their big earthquake, it is more important than ever to be prepared.

日本では部屋が狭いので一般の人はトイレットペーパー、缶詰、ボトルの水、などを余裕に持たないので、２０１１の震災後パニック買いだめしました。東京の人は去年震災があって、これからまた大震災が来る可能性は高いと言われていますので、準備することが凄く大事です！

In your house, you should have at least 2-3 days worth of basic supplies, such as canned/dried food and water, toilet paper and wet wipes, and other essentials such as some extra blankets, a portable gas stove or a grill, and a battery/manual powered flashlight and radio. 

It's also good to prepare an emergency bag in case you have to evacuate. In one bag, you should put (for 1 person)

2 liters of water

a bag of biscuits, a bag of hard candy, and some canned or instant food

2 packs of wet wipes

1 blanket

1 battery/manual powered flashlight and radio

1 pocket knife

 1 or 2 changes of clothes

a small amount of cash and photocopies of ID and other important documents. 

Having a bag already set up will make any evacuation easier and give you more time to gather precious items and your every day items with less panic.

自分の家に２−３日分のインスタント食品、トイレットペーパー、ウェットティッシュなどの日常用品と、毛布、ガスコンロ、電灯とラジオなどを準備した方がいいです。
あと避難しなきゃいけない場合の非常用持出袋を用意した方がいいです。一人のバッグにこういうもの入れるといいです。
水２L
あめ１袋、カンパンかビスケット一袋、インスタント食品など
ウェットティッシュ２パック
毛布１枚
電灯／ラジオ
ナイフ
着替え１−２枚
現金（小銭）とIDや大事な書類のコピー

こういうバッグを用意しておくと、避難する場合は少しでも焦らないで貴重品などももっていけるのかもしれないんですね。

Also, as if there weren't enough good reasons to breastfeed, when we evacuated because of the tsunami warning, I didn't have to worry about bottles or formula or anything, I just put a pack of diapers and wipes in the car. In America, there are many mothers who don't breastfeed because of some social stigma, because formula companies tell them things like it's more convenient, and hospitals push formula on newborns. Even in Japan, more and more mothers are supplementing with formula and decreasing their own supply. 

It would be so much better if more mothers breastfed and wet-nursed in times of crisis instead of turning to formula (which is actually more dangerous than wet-nursing because of lack of clean water and facilities to properly sanitize bottles in times of disaster.)

完全母乳にするのは健康の面や色々理由がいくつもあるんですけど、私たちは津波警報で避難した時、私は粉ミルクやボトルの心配一切しないで済みました。オムツと毛布だけ車に入れました。アメリカでは社会的烙印や、粉ミルクの会社の干渉など色んな理由で母乳育ちをしません。最近日本でも母乳でたりないと思い込んで粉ミルクを使うお母さんが増えています。特にこういう非常実態なら、清潔な水やボトルなどが必要な粉ミルクより母乳を飲ませたらいいと思います。

With it getting colder I hope everyone in the areas ravaged by Sandy are keeping warm by bundling up and drinking warm drinks whenever possible. When I was in Japan, we only had a small gas heater in the living room, and I wore thick padded room jackets inside and usually had some hot water in the kitchen for tea (and a thermos for when I went outside). When my parents came to visit me in Japan my "mother" relentlessly complained about how cold our apartment was, so I wonder how they are dealing with their power and heat being off for over 3 days now.

今段々寒くなって来てるでしょうが、Sandyの被災地で皆さんちゃんと暖かい格好をして暖かい飲み物いっぱい飲んで寒さを耐えてるかな。私は日本に住んでた時リビングに小さいヒーターしかなかったため私はルームコート着て、よくお茶を飲んでました。でも両親が日本の部屋に来た時母が寒いとずっと愚痴言ってた。。３日以上の停電どう耐えてるのかな。。。

Anyway, my thoughts are with all the victims. I will do what I can to help from here in Hawaii. 

An absolutely brilliant NC letter from a fellow DONM

I saw this on one of the support groups for people like me. By people like me, I mean other people who were raised by mothers who were self-absorbed and abusive. Reading it, I felt like someone had reached into my brain and arranged my thoughts neatly and concisely. 

I recieved this text from my NM (Narcissistic Mom)
“As usual you are wrong in your self indulgent rant but I see now we spoiled you. Your unhappiness can be treated but your resentment is misguided – biting the hand etc, you are hard work and I quit – stay away and don’t communicate with me”
I wonder was the reference to my “unhappiness” being “treated” a suggestion that I suffer from some sort of mental illness and need medication? (That was something I grew up hearing whenever I disagreed with you.) I resent the implication and find it a very low blow. I was constantly compared with *** as a teenager whenever I behaved differently to how you expected. The threat of mental illness was a damaging one, and one you casually used, instilling fear into me as a vulnerable youngster. I wonder, were you aware of how your words ever affected me?
In the intervening weeks I initially felt shock, anger and a sense of loss. I had phoned you asking for more emotional support, and you retaliated by cutting me out of your life completely. I’m not going to continue describing how I felt and still feel about that, as I think you will dismiss it as “oversentimentality” or my “oversensitive” nature which you have often blamed for my reactions to stressful situations.
Then yesterday I received the following text from you:
“Hi *** lets forget the past and look to the future and move on – life’s too short – I want to be friends and send my love to you x mum”
I was struck by the complete denial of the issues I raised on the phone, and wonder how you think we can have any kind of relationship where one person hurts another and expects the injured party to “move on” with no apology or acknowledgement of the hurt caused? You want me to forget about your treatment of me, to forget that my own mother cut me out of her life, and not deal with it? This is not a normal human interaction. I would not take this kind of treatment from a friend, and certainly didn’t expect it from a family member. Possibly you are able to compartmentalise things like this, but I feel things deeply and am unable to “move on” unless I have dealt with a situation until it is no longer affecting me.
I am not ready to speak to you in person, as I fear you will invalidate and dismiss my feelings, as you always have done. If you wish to communicate with me you may email me or post me a letter.
I am busy caring for and raising my family, and I don’t wish to be to-ing and fro-ing in and out of your affections as you see fit. I would like us to be part of each other’s lives, but until you can see how your behaviour is hurtful and wrong towards me, and acknowledge it and try to improve it, I don’t want to have anything to do with you. I am worth more than that, and I will not put myself and my children in your way for you to hurt, criticise and judge us as you have done in the past.
Before you write me off as “spoilt” and “ungrateful”, please take some time to wonder have you had anything to do with this situation. If you still conclude that I am for some reason making it all up, consider why would I invite this drama upon myself? I don’t enjoy it, I don’t welcome it, and I want an end to it, one way or another.

(claps hands) 

Bravo, anonymous DONM. I feel like this is a mirror image of what I've been through. 

Called "spoilt" and "ungrateful" when I start to tell the truth. 

Growing up with mental illness being used as a form of degradation and threatening. 

Being constantly compared to someone else

Being cut off when I needed emotional support

Getting a casual "Hi, how are you," weeks later after an unresolved confrontation as if nothing happened (and expecting me to forget about everything they've done!)

Giving up speaking with them because they will just invalidate my feelings.

Not wanting my children to be subjected to the same treatment I was. 

Being accused of making it all up, for what reason?

The thought of so many other people out there going through the same thing is really sad. I hope everyone finds strength and happiness ♥

Morning Musume モーニング娘。

In Hawaii, there are many annual events I try to take part in if I can. The Ohana Festival at New Year's, the Honolulu Festival, Bon Dance, and then, there is the Morning Musume Hawaii Fan Club Tour.
In 2004, I saw Morning Musume by waiting outside of the Hello! Project Museum/Shop in the Royal Hawaiian Shopping Center (that was closed a few years later) Kaori was the leader at that time. I couldn't say anything to them, I was so happy. I just bowed over and over again. Ishikawa Rika smiled at me (a beautiful smile!) Niigaki Risa gave me a shaka, and Tanaka Reina waved at me.
In 2007, I listened/watched their concert by sitting outside of the Waikiki Shell, which is an outdoor venue. There were a few of us outside there, and we climbed up on a utility box to get a slightly better view, albeit very far away. We waited outside after the concert was over to get a glimpse of them as they came out. At this time, Fujimoto Miki was set to be the next leader after Yossi's graduation. I sent a letter to her radio show, then when I went to Japan, I saw her at one of the "Okitegami" events, entered her karaoke contest, and she told me she saw my Youtube video when I saw her at UpFront's charity event in 2011. In 2011 I also went to Morning Musume's event for "Only You" and got waved at by Reina again when I waited around for them to leave the venue.
And now, in 2012, I am back in Hawaii, and this time, I had someone to come with me...my daughter! On August 29th, I remembered they were coming soon and started to look for any inside information. I checked the dates on the Hello! Project website, and found that they would be doing "optional tours" this year, in three "groups". One group was Sayumi, Haruna, Masaki, Kanon, and Mizuki. The other "group" was Erina. And the other group was Reina, Riho, Ayumi, and Haruka. And all of their tours were headed to Moanalua Gardens at some time between 3 and 6:30. I packed a bunch of vegetable sticks, fruit, and other snacks, a bottle of water and a can of V-8, and a plastic mat, and a 20 minute bus ride and 30 minute walk over the highway later, I was there. 5-10 minutes after I arrived, Sayumi's group came. They arrived before the fans to take some video for the DVD. I walked up to them with Chinami, and they saw her and came over. Haruna asked in English if she could take a picture with her, and Sayumi was going on and on about how cute the baby was. I told her in Japanese her name is Chinami, and she asked if her dad was Japanese, I said yes, and Masaki cut in saying "I knew, I told you!" The cameraman took a group picture of us, and I commented how I want to see it, and then Sayumi asked if she could put it on her blog, and I said yes. I then said "So....I have to check Sayumi's blog later then, right?" and all of them looked surprised and they start asking "You know us??" and I said "Yes...and I'm actually shaking right now..."
The cameraman took out what looked like Sayumi's smartphone, all pink and sparkly, to take another group picture. I gave Chinami to Sayumi to hold for the picture. Then we all said thank you and they went on their way to film more stuff and I sat in the grass marveling at what just happened.
After a little while, the two buses full of fans arrived, and a little later, Erina and her fans arrived and Erina reunited with her fellow members briefly before everyone left. Then I waited about 2 hours, and the sun started to set when Reina's group finally arrived at 6:15. They took pictures with the fans, and they hurried the fans back onto the bus. Ayumi was on crutches with her foot bandaged up, and Haruka had a knee brace. They met Chinami, and then they played with a little boy and took pictures. Reina kept hugging him until the staff told her to hurry and get on the bus! Before they left, I told Ayumi to hurry and make her leg better so she can dance in the concerts again. She said "concert...you watch our concerts?" and I said "Yea, when I was in Japan." Ayumi seemed impressed by that.
And then on Friday, I had no idea where their event was going to be. Saturday, my husband has mornings off. When he left for work, I checked some hashtags on Twitter and found that some Morning Musume fans were posting that they had arrived at UH, just a few minutes ago. I put Chinami in her wrap and headed off (UH is about a 20 minute walk from where I live) and arrived in plenty of time to find a spot outside the ampitheater where I could see the concert pretty well. I watched most of it from that spot until another person on a bicycle came, and the security guards saw him and asked us both to leave. So I changed spots. It's not illegal to stand outside of an ampitheater during a concert (as far as I know) I walked around and found a spot where I could see the concert from behind the stage. Then after it was over I found another fan who was doing the same thing.....the same guy who had watched the concert from outside the Shell in 2007! He had been watching the various Hello! Project Hawaii concerts at the UH ampitheater for the past few years and had a general idea of how things were done. The vans were parked across a small grassy area by a school building, so after their handshake event and any video recordings were over the vans would have to either go to the entrance of the ampitheater or they would have to walk across. With how casually they were hanging out in Waikiki and with the fans during this tour, we predicted the latter, and we waited in a seating area close to the vans (but far enough away from them to not irritate the security) We saw them come out and start to walk across, and the other two fans with me were like "OMG what do we do" and I just beelined it for them, but stopped about 2 feet away and waved. I shouted "Otsukareina!" (If they didn't know I was a huge fan of theirs yet, they knew now!) and Sayumi looked at me and the obvious Sayumi fan with me and was like "OMG" and I said "I'm watching Sayumi's blog!" and she was like "OK I'll post the pic soon!" and Haruka walked across and was really happy to see us and I was like "I hope your knee gets better soon!!" and then Haruna saw me and Chinami and gasped and went "It's Chinami!!" and I was like "OMG they remembered your name!!"
So 8 years after my first encounter with Morning Musume, my fandom and drive are still going strong. It was difficult to keep up especially after Takahashi Ai graduated, and now the group is mostly 9th and 10th generation members who I hardly knew, but I have been watching their Youtube channel and became a fan of Haruna after her whole "chocolate" thing and the way she says really borderline inappropriate things about her attraction to Sayumi. I also am very impressed by Riho and Ayumi's dancing, and Haruka is kind of tomboyish and funny. Kanon's cheerfulness and love of food is cute. Masaki however got on my nerves, honestly. She ran around and shouted and was really over-the-top at Moanalua gardens, and for me, I would find her really annoying to be around.
Anyway, I am looking forward to their next Hawaii tour and wish them the best of luck with everything in Japan and abroad until then. Otsukareina!!

ハワイでは、毎年あるイベントによく参加しています。お正月のオハナフェスティバル、ホノルルフェスティバル、盆踊り、などがあって、そして、モーニング娘。のハワイファンクラブツアーがあります。

２００４年に、（数年後に閉店した）ロイヤルハワイアンショッピングセンターのハロープロジェクトの店の外で待ったら、モーニング娘。を見ました。その時はかおりはまだリーダーでした。嬉しくて、言葉が出なくて、何度もおじきしかできなかったんです。石川梨花がニコってして（素敵な笑顔！）新垣理沙がシャカをして、そして田中れいなは手を振ってくれました。

２００７年に、ワイキキシェルの外で遠くからコンサートを見たんです。私の他にファン数人いて、そしてもっとよく見えるように電気のボックスの上に昇っちゃったんです。そしてコンサートが終わったら出待ちをしました。その時はよっすぃーがリーダーで、もう少しで卒業して藤本美貴が次のリーダーになるはずでした。それで私が藤本美貴のラジオ番組に手紙を書きました。そして日本に行ったら、「置き手紙」の発売記念イベントでミキティーに会って、それからカラオケ大会に出て、そして２０１１年にアップフロントのチャリティーイベントで会ったらYoutube見たって言われました。そして２０１１年にモーニング娘。の「OnlyYou」の発売記念イベントに行って、また出待ちをしてみたらまた田中れいなが手を振ってくれました。

そして今年２０１２年またハワイに戻りました。そして今回は一緒に来てくれる人もいました。自分の娘です！！８月２９日に、ツアーはそろそろだなと思って調べ始めました。ハロープロジェクトのホームページでオプショナルツアーの情報が乗ってました。モーニング娘。は３グループに分けて、観光をするという企画でした。グループはさゆみ、はるな、まさき、かのん、とみずきのグループ、とえりなのグループ、とれいな、りほ、あゆみ、はるかのグループでした。そしてツアーが全部３時から６時半の間一回モアナルアガーデンに寄ると書いてありました。私は野菜スティック、フルーツ、野菜ジュース、水、お菓子、レジャーマットなどを用意して、２０分バスに乗って３０分歩いて行きました。着いて５－１０分経ったらさゆみのグループが来ました。ファンの先に着いて、ビデオ撮影していました。私はちなみを抱っこして近づいてみました。。。。すると、皆さんが「赤ちゃんだ！」と寄ってきました！はるなが英語で「写真撮っていいですか？」と聞いて、さゆみがかわいい、かわいいと言ってました。私は「名前はちなみです」といって、日本語ほめられて、それでさゆみはお父さん日本人かと訪ねて、私答えたらまさきは「ほら、そうでしょう、そうでしょう！」と言ってました。カメラマンはグループショットを取ってくれました。それで私が「いいな、この写真見てみたいな！」と言ったら、さゆみが「ブログOK?」と聞いて来て、いいよと答えたら、カメラマンがさゆみの携帯？っぽいもの出して（ピンクでキラキラデコってるものでした）さゆみに「抱っこしてみます？」と言って、娘を渡しました！そして写真とりました。ちなみを返してもらってからさゆみに「あとでさゆみんのブログをチェックしたらいいんですね？」と言ったら皆びっくりして目を開きました。そして「知ってるの？」とかって聞いたら、私が「はい。。。実はファンです。。。今震えてます！」と答えました。皆がありがとうとかして、娘。達が撮影を続けて、私は木の下に座って、ショックから回復しようと。。。

ちょっと時間経ったらさゆみグループのファンのバス２台が到着しました。それからえりなのバスも来ました。ファンと一緒にえりなが皆とはしゃいだり遊んだりするの見て笑ったりしてました。それから皆が次の場所に向かおうとバスに乗って行きました。それから２時間ほど経って、日が沈もうとしてる頃やっとれいなグループが到着しました。もう時間がなかったので記念撮影だけして、急いでまたバスに乗るだけでした。少しだけちなみに会って、それから他の４才位の男の子と遊んだり写真撮ったりしてました。れいなは特にハグばかりしててスタッフに急がされてました。皆が行っちゃう前に、少しあゆみに早く足を直して、またコンサートで踊れるようにと言って、あゆみが「コンサート見たんですか？」と聞いてきました。日本にいた時、と答えました。あゆみが少し驚いて見えました。

金曜日はイベントあったんですけど、場所が全くわからず、どこにも行きませんでした。土曜日のライブはハワイ大学でするという噂聞きましたけど。確認はできなかったので行こうか迷ってました。土曜日はやすしが午前休みで、仕事行ってからツィッターでハッシュタグをいくつか調べたら、ヲタ達がハワイ大学に到着とつぶやいてました。ハワイ大学は自宅から歩いて２０分なので、早速行きました。着いたらまだコンサートはじまらないので良い場所を探す時間もありました。ステージを前から見える場所簡単に見つけました。前半はそこで見ましたけど、途中でスタッフの人にプライベートなコンサートなので見ないでくださいと言われて、場所を変えました。最後の何曲かはステージの後ろから見てました。コンサートが終わってから２００７年一緒にシェルで見たファンと偶然会って、出待ちはどうすればいいかと話していました。あの人は数年間FCツアーをこういう風に見てましたので、どこから、どういう風に出るか少し分かってました。娘。達の車はコンサートの所から５０メートル位離れた所で止めてあったので、車を動かすか娘。達が車まで歩くか、どっちにしても行動する時間はいっぱいありました。このツアーは前よりファンと接することが多かったから歩くかなと思っていて。近くで（でもスタッフが気にしないように離れて）座って待っていました。娘。達が出て来て歩いてたら他のファンの二人が「どうしよう、近くに行こうか？」と悩んでたら、私は小走りで近くに行って、皆に手を振りながら「おつかれいなー」と声を掛けました。もし私のこと大ファンと分かってなければ、その一言でわかったと思います。さゆみは私と、隣にいるさゆみのヲタを見てびっくりしてました。私がさゆみに「ブログ見てますから！」と行ったら、さゆみが「はい、写真アップします！」そしてはるかが私たちを見てたら、私ははるかの膝に指差して「膝を早く直して！」と言ってみました。そしてはるなが私たちをみたら「あ、ちなみちゃん！！」と言ってました。名前覚えられた！と嬉しくなってました。

モーニング娘。を初めて会ってから８年が経ちましたけど。まだまだ大好きです！高橋愛が卒業して、今９期と１０期ばかりのグループで少し離れてしまった頃もあったんですけど、ユーチューブなどをみて、またメンバーの色んな性格などに癒されてファンを続けました。はるなのチョコレートの卒業が面白くて、そしてさゆみに対して変なこと言ったりするのがカワイイ。。りほとあゆみのダンスはレベル高い、はるかはボイッシュで面白い、かのんは元気が良くて食べ物が大好きらしい。。。しかしまさきは正直うるさいと思いました。モアなるアガーデンではしゃぎすぎだと思ってました。

とにかく、次のハワイツアーを楽しみにしてます。その時まで日本や海外の活動が上手く行きますように。。。おつかれいなー＾＾